Do you know how to defuse difficult people?
Nina trains executives and most of them are of the opinion that their biggest challenge is other people’s behavior. Does it sound familiar?
Change your reaction
How you respond to someone’s behavior makes a huge difference. Many times a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, just to trigger a response from you. If you react, you actually give them what they want. So stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for by simply not responding.
Don’t get defensive
If you don’t start arguing with someone they usually stop their aggressive behaviour. One way is to just answer with a non-judgmental observation. It’s difficult, I know, because the cause of conflict is the trigger to our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct i.e. to react and attack back to defend ourselves.
But to counter attack makes it even worse, and is usually what the difficult person wants. So if you answer with an observation the person who attacked you normally backs off. Another way is to ask thoughtful questions to make them aware of what they are doing?
Change poison to nectar
Sometimes it’s possible to completely stun a person trying to pour poison on you. You can do that by complimenting the other person for something or tell them you have learnt from interacting with them. The difficult part about this strategy is to be, or at least appear to be, genuine. It may be difficult to find something positive about the person and you need a poker face to appear genuine.
How do you handle difficult people? Do you get defensive and counter attack? Or have you learnt to change your reaction? Do you realize that frequently difficult people take their own frustrations out on you? Are you able to control your emotions and not respond? Maybe you have even learnt to give them compliments to disarm them? What strategies have enabled you to defuse attackers?
by Catarina Alexon
Video: Harvard – You Tube